Wow, I can’t believe in just a couple more days, I’ll find myself plopped down on my fiftieth birthday. It’s almost impossible for me to wrap my head around it. I remember being sixteen years old, calculating that I would be thirty-seven in the year 2000. I got depressed because I pretty much knew I would be old, decrepit and ready to be put out for pasture. HA! As it turned out, my third decade was my best one ever; I had both my daughters during those years.
Because of the lateness of Thanksgiving this year falling so very close to my birthday, I can’t help but also reflect on the past year of my life. On the surface as a lot of you know, I had tumultuous year, having to make several life-altering decisions…decisions that will impact me and my girls far into the future. There were times when I was afraid, depressed, unsure, angry, hurt, happy, elated, overwhelmed with pride and joy, exhausted, fatigued, bored, stifled and unimpressed – usually all within a 24-hour period!
Despite my trepidation of turning 50, I am still filled with hope and happiness because the hard decisions I had to make at 49 are preparing me for a bright 50. What makes this birthday so special is because I finally – after so many years of guilt – decided to stop living my life to please other people. I decided to move forward with my own dreams that have been put on hold for too long. I decided to shake things up a bit and forge headfirst into a new “season” of my life. I going to take the risks I should have taken years ago and reach for opportunities that may be waiting for me. The thrill and excitement I feel about all of this supersedes any fear in my consciousness.
My life has been so deeply and thoroughly enriched by the relationships that have manifested over the past twelve months. Surrounding myself with like-minded people, goal-oriented people, people who are willing to go far beyond the confines of societal expectations and work on belief, faith and sheer will-power, has blessed me in ways I cannot even describe properly. I am so utterly thankful for the advice, understanding, caring, support and sincere and genuine wishes for well-being that I have received from these people in my life whom I call friends. These are people I can truly be myself with, without fear of judgment – people who allow me to cry when I’m overwhelmed, without being rhetorical and telling me to “get over it” or “it’ll get better”; people who have “been there, done that,” and can help me to move on, giving me renewed hope and better perspectives – not with sympathy, but with empathy, strength and hope.
I am thankful for my daughters who inspire me in so many ways. It was a rough year for my oldest daughter and me, but through love and patience (along with screaming, yelling, cursing and crying from BOTH of us!), we have found our way back to each other. I am truly thankful and blessed for the friends who supported me through that difficult period, even those who don’t have children themselves.
So, as I enter into my “golden” years, I’m enjoying my girls, good health a bit of wisdom and most importantly, feeling even sexier than ever. *rawr* HAHA!
As I prepare to “start a new life” in a new city next year, I can barely contain my excitement. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I….Carlette….am, once again, in control of my life and damn does it feel good!!!